Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Top JackAss things to do in 2005

I can't decide whether it is to talk about how much it meant to you to go through the Yankees in 2004 to bring the World Series Championship to Boston, then turn around and go play for the Yankees, or to wear one of those cell phone things clipped to your ear, and don't take it off, like, ever, so that people think you are really cool.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

I'm not making this up...

Given my newfound hatred for Johnny Damon, I dumped him from my Sox team on my PS2 video game (MVP 04), and replaced him with the man the Sox should have never dealt in the first place, Dave Roberts.

I then played the Yanks with the new lineups, and beat them 9-2. Damon's gimpy arm accounted for at least five of those runs scoring, and he went 1-4. Meanwhile, Roberts played the field flawlessly and went 4-5.

Thank you, PS2!

Re: Johnny Damon

From an email I sent to

(Damon is quoted in today's Boston Globe as saying)
''My message to Sox fans is I tried," Damon said. ''I tried everything in my power. Unfortunately I know they are going to be upset."

Translation: "F--- you. F--- all of you who can barely afford a ticket to a game because salaries like mine are so high. F--- all of you who will never make in your lifetime the difference between the $40 million deal the Sox offered and the $52 million from the Yanks. F--- all of you who were stupid enough to believe us that beating the Yanks in the playoffs in
2004 and bringing the championship to Boston meant anything other than increasing our value on the free-agent marketplace. F--- all of you -- me and my stripper wife are out of here!"

I realize those are more words than he used, but I'm pretty sure that it's a close translation.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

BubbaRay's Buyers Guide: Best and Worst CD's of the Year

I bought seven CDs this year, so I feel totally qualified to review what's hot and what's not, and what should be on your Christmas or Hannukah list.

Best Soundtrack: I bought one. The soundtrack to "24." You can drive around in your car and pretend to be Jack Bauer. It's totally sweet.

Best New Rock Album: tie:Coldplay "X&Y" and Death Cab for Cutie "Plans." I bought three, so this catagory had the stiffest competition. The best songs on "Plans" pretty much make me want to kill why do I skip all the others and just listen to those on the way to work? I pretty much only listen to "Fix You" from the Coldplay disc but the rest sound kind of cool when I accidently play them.

Most Dissapointing New Rock Album: The third one: Foo Fighters "In Your Honor." Critics are doing a major disservice to Led Zep by comparing this one to "Physical Graffiti." The only similarity is that they're both double albums. Whoa. The resemblence is spooky. Talk about lazy reviewing. The electric disc is so limp I don't dare put on the acoustic one. "Best of You" is pretty rockin', though Dave Grohl professed in a recent interview that he almost left it off the album because thought it was a lame War-era U2 ripoff. Yeah. Right. I'm sure.

Best Greatest Hits: This is another one that came down to the wire, but Cinderella wins it with "Rocked, Wired and Bluesed."

Most Dissapointing Greatest Hits: The other one I bought - a double disc of Black Sabbath. It's shocking how wussy those guys were. Seriously. I bet the wallet inspector had a field day with those guys.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Now What Am I Going to Call My Band?

I just found out that "Cannibal Whore Feast" is already taken.

Guess I'm back to square one.

Awesome, But Weird Dream

I was a new utility player for the Sox, and got into the game as a pinch hitter (made an out, so at least the dream was semi-realistic; another dose of realism was that I had a few articles of dirty laundry scattered around the dugout). We were leading in the top of the 9th by a run or two, and the other team (I think the Orioles) got some men on base. Then their next hitter hit a ground ball, and James Brown, who I guess also made the Sox, came bolting out of the dugout and grabbed the ball. The umpire flipped out and DQ'd us, ruling that the game was over and the O's won. Still, it was way, way better than the typical dreams I've been having lately; I'm back at school and haven't studied and its finals time or I'm in a play that I haven't rehearsed for, or people are chasing me, etc.

The dream is somewhat easy to deconstruct: I just watched Fever Pitch with my wife and declared it to be the best movie ever; I was looking at before going to sleep and marveling at the side by side pictures of him and James Brown; James Brown probably can't be trusted to do anything other than sing and act like a "Sex Machine;" I need to do some laundry.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Should I be Ashamed?

I think "Lost Horizens" by the Gin Blossoms is one of the great under appreciated songs of the '90s.

Please don't use that against me as a trump card in any music related argument.

But how can you not like a song with a chorus that includes the words "Drunk drunk drunk in the gardens and the graves?"

It's fast enough to be rockin', melancholy enough to brood over a bit, and has the words "drunk drunk drunk."

Pretty close to mathematical perfection in my book.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

WTF Red Sox?

Not that I wouldn't love to see them come back, but am I the only one a little baffled by these rumors of the Sox reaquiring Orlando Cabrera and/or Dave Roberts?

It didn't make a whole lot of sense to let either of those guys go last year, but how does the team justify bring them back, particularly since it will involve dishing Manny and David Wells.

At this point, is it being left unsaid that Boy Wonder Theo screwed up big time last winter? I'll be eternally grateful to him for putting together the first championship team in 86 years but his record from last year is, well, not so good.

Pedro and Derek Lowe are both allowed to walk, and both have better seasons than 2004 (though they may have the National League's lack of DH to thank).

They are replaced by Matt Clement who was good in the first half, lousy in the second.

David Wells, who was pretty good.

Wade Miller (LOL)

Matt Mantei (LOLOL)

John Halama (LOLOLOL)

Cabrera is replaced by Edgar Renteria, who's an expensive bust that they're trying to unload. This one is especially mystifying -- Renteria goes from Gold Glover to worst fielding short stop around, and blames difficulty playing a pressure-cooker city like Boston? Wasn't Theo supposed to be an expert on chemistry?

Playoff hero Roberts is dealt for Jay Payton, who whined his way out of town.

With the Sox hurting for better pitching, Theo couldn't get a deal done. But he walks away, and in a matter of weeks, the team acquires a 25 year old pitcher who was the 2003 World Series MVP.

Just about the only decent deal Theo pulled off last year was for Tony Graffanino. It was nice knowing you, Tony -- say hello to Mark Loretta on your way out! And Jason Varitek and Kelly Shoppach, let's hope you figured out Wake's knuckler!

Anyway, somehow I think there will be life after Theo.