Thanks, West Coast Teams

None of you would take David Wells off our hands over the winter/spring. NOW you want him. You guys are like some drunk staggering around at last call, having blown off all the non perfect 10s in the room early in the evening, but suddenly revising your standards. The whole "Wells is great in the post season" line is basically like "He or she looks great after 10 drinks."

I can't bring myself to hate the Dodgers because of their association with Sandy Koufax. But I absolutely hate the Padres.